Settling In

The next few weeks were very uneventful. I spent the majority of my time working, even weekends as work suddenly got busy. I slowly realized over the weeks that I actually hated my job. I had never been in a situation before where I hated a job so I was trying hard to tough it out hoping that a new manger would make it better , whenever he finally started. Screaming matches in the building were such a common occurrence that I would often come home at night completely drained mentally. I knew one day soon that I would get yelled at over something stupid, I just hopped it would be a long way off. The day came sooner than I ever would have thought.


I came in to work that morning dragging my feet as always. I was honestly starting to dread coming into work. I still hadn't made any friends other than Sarah, and that for the most part just felt like it was something out of convince rather than a true friendship. I was starting to feel really down on myself as I am normally I very social person. I knew right away that something was up. There was a new person sitting behind one of the desks in the service department, and boy of boy did she ever look angry.

"Hello. My name is Ronda and I am the new customer relations manager. You must be Josie."

"Nothing gets by you eh?" My joke must have hit a nerve as immediately her face scrunched up  in distaste.

"I see they weren't lying about your sense of humor." She snapped at me.

"Well someone needs to try lighten it up around here." And with that I walked back into the shop.

I was organizing and trying to plan out my day when my phone chimed. I looked down and saw a text from Sarah.

"I'm gonna be late today, Kevin is running a fever."

I put my phone in my pocket and went about my morning. Before long it was coffee break and the saleswoman at our branch approached me and asked me to come sit with her and Ronda. I was apprehensive but figured I should try to be social and pleasant.

As we all sat down at Glenda's desk we actually had a good conversation. We talked about the upcoming meteor shower and I quickly discovered that Glenda and Ronda were old friends. Our break was going by quickly.

Just as we were finishing up my phone beeped again with another text message. I went to look at it and next thing I knew Ken our only other sales person comes fly over screaming at me to get off my phone. I saw out of the corner of my eye Ronda give Glenda a weird look.

I have this thing were when people yell at me I just block them out. I stand there and take it. I can't remember exactly what Ken said to me but I remember lots of screaming. Ronda eventually stepped in and told him to stop. When everyone as done screaming I just turned  and walked away. I went the rest of the day working solo before our finance manager came to speak with me.

"Josie, I just wanted to talk to you about what happened with Ken. I know we don't have a branch manager at the moment but I have reported his behavior to the owners. I am not sure why he went off on you while you were on your break, but it was inappropriate and I am fully expecting him to apologize to you."

"You and I both know I will never get an apology from him. He has never apologized to anyone else he has screamed at here. I don't expect it to change now. I am just going to avoid him from now on. If he needs me to do something on a unit for him from now on he can use the correct channels."

"I hope the owners find us a manager soon. Everyone has been ignoring policy and been very rude to each other over the last three weeks. It has been a terrible environment for you to have started in. I wouldn't blame you if you quit, but keep in mind everyone here but Ken really likes you and you are doing a great job."

"Thanks, well I am going to go home now. See ya later."

I got into my Jeep and drove to the Boston Pizza down the road where I had the bartender pour me a strong drink.



 

Heartbreaks

Hey guys as a heads up I am not sure if I will be posting much in the next little bit. My doctor has diagnosed me something not so great and I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. It also isn't helping that my work is making it even more difficult for me to get better by blaming me for how I am feeling. I am really trying to take some time off everything. Writing everything out has been great for me, but it has also made me relive some terrible things, that I will eventually get to in my writing I promise. I for sure won't be posting next week, but hopefully I will have some of my posts I already have written edited and ready to go for the following week. I hope you all have a great weekend! 

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The night ended uneventfully, well if Cary leaving with Les is uneventful. Our truck ride home was very quiet too. I had a lot of time to think and thinking was never a good thing for me. I started reflecting on the last year and a half. 

The day after Jeremy and I had broken up was hard. I went into work and tried to act like everything was normal. When the barn phone rang I was tempted to not answer, but I knew then my boss would know something was wrong. 

"Good Morning Josie."

"Morning Charles, what do I owe the phone call."

" I saw you were down there early today. Just checking in."

"The roads were great so I got here quicker than I thought."

"Okay. Well have a good day!"

With that I decided to stop doing office duties and work one of the horses.Working with the horses always kept me grounded. Their smell, easy breathing and willingness always brought me such joy. Just as I was slipping a bridle onto Tea I heard the barn door creak open and in walked Charles.

"Okay Josie you can't lie to me, something is up. You were here early, and you have all the stalls done already and your going for a ride. What is going on?"

"It's nothing, I just have more energy than usual." I sighed as I walked Tea towards the arena.

"It has to do with Jeremy doesn't it?"

"It may but I am not ready to talk about it."

"You guys broke up again didn't you? I'm sure in a day or two he will come crawling back as always."

"I don't think so this time Charles. It feels a little more permanent this time."

"Well if that's the case maybe now when your  mom comes back from visiting your sister you will finally take me up on the offer to live here in the barn. I know a big part of you turning it down before was because you didn't want to live further away from Jeremy. "

"You know what I should. Maybe moving up here would be better for me. Plus I can ride the girls more. Once my mom is back in a couple months I'll move up here."

"I'll find a contractor to renovate the loft for you. But chin up I know you'll be okay."

I put my foot in the stirrup and swung my leg over Teas back  and started putting her thru her paces. After an hour I looked over to see Charles had Maxim saddled up. 

"You want me to ride her next? Because if so you'll have to swap saddles out."

"Lets go for a trail ride, It has been far to long since I have been in the saddle."

"Alright then."

I could help but think I was so lucky to have a boss that genuinely cared about me and even saw me as an extended family member. Soon it was time for me to go to my other job. I went and used the shower in the loft to get rid of the horse smell and changed into business clothes.

As I walked in I hear my name being screamed from across the store.

"Jos! Jos!" Sasha screamed. " I am so sorry, I heard what happened already. If you need anything just let me know."

"How did the news even get out?"

"Come on Jos, we live in a tiny ass town and we all went to school together. News like this travels faster than anyone wants it to." 

"I guess so. Let's just pretend everything is fine okay?"

"Okay! But I'm just saying you were too good for that jackass anyways."

It was from that moment on I had to start pretending I was okay. Tonight was a night that made it hard to pretend. Seeing anothers relationship spiraling downward triggered a memory that I was sure was going to lead to more dreams. 

Once I got home I walked thru the door and found my other bottle of whiskey. I made myself another drink and went to bed. I needed to make sure there were no dreams tonight. 

Cheater Cheater

The drive to Hatters was filled with Sarah and Carly talking excitedly. I started getting a bad vibe from Carly as every so often she would give me dirty looks when she knew Sarah wasn't paying attention. I didn't think too much of it. I always seem to find someone everywhere I go that hates me before even talking to me. It actually is sort of sad that something like that has become acceptable in our society, although I tend to go with my gut feeling about people. Everything I just witnessed and everything in my gut was screaming that she wasn't a nice person.

Finally we arrived at the bar. I couldn't have been happier. I really needed another drink to be able to make it thru the rest of this night. We made our way in and checked our coats, I  then made a beeline to the bar.

"You look like you could use something strong." The bartender said to me.


"Is it that obvious? If so give me a double rye and coke please. Oh and a shot of tequila."

"Oh man it's even rougher than I thought. Coming right up." He laughed.

I looked around while I was waiting to see that Sarah, Carly and Brian had managed to snag a table. Sarah was looking around, for me I was assuming, but I am very good at blending in at the bar. The bartender finally put my shot and drink in front of me. I grabbed the shot and downed it before he could even get the lime and salt ready for me.

"Thanks. Keep your lime for someone else." I said as I grabbed my rye and I paid him.

"Holy shit!" He stammered. "You sure?"

"Yea I'm sure." I laughed as I walked off.

"There you are!" Sarah shouted at me. "Well I guess by that drink in your hand I know where you were."

"Yea I needed another drink stat." I laughed. I was finally starting to feel my whiskey.

"Any one up for some shots?"Carly asked.

"Of course!" Sarah and I both said at the same time.

"Tequila?" I suggested.

"NO! What about some pornstars?" Sarah suggested.

"You guys get those, but I'll get tequila."

The waitress came and took our orders. I got myself another rye and coke as I knew I would need another to put up with Carly and Sarah right now.  It didn't take long before the drinks and shots were placed in front of us.

"Happy Birthday Carly" Sarah shouted over the music as we clinked our shot glasses and downed them.

"Josie, how can you drink that shit?" Sarah asked me.

"It's good." I laughed. "You just need to learn to go hard with the go hards."

"I'll just stick to my vodka. I can't gain anymore weight."

I didn't even know what to say, luckily Carly distracted her with some meaningless small talk. I settled myself into my chair and started people creeping. Sarah and Carly eventually went off to dance, but I wasn't feeling it so I sat at the table with Brian and watched the people as they came and went from the bar. Soon after deciding they were going dancing Sarah and Carly came back to the table.

"Lets go to Crossroads. Carly wants to meet up with Les." With that we collected our things paid our bills and headed off to the next bar.

Crossroads was definitely my kind of place. There was country music and a very rustic feel to the place. Country bars always make me happy, they are always a whiskey drinkin' hell raisin' good time. One thing I noticed right away was that everyone was two-stepping. This was not something that they did back home. In Ontario you see a lot of foot stomping over two-stepping.


We all made our way to the bar, together this time. I ordered my rye and coke but no shot this time. I figured I should slow down a little, I was sure the bottle of whiskey I had already drank was going to catch up to me soon. We made our way around, which was difficult to do as this place was packed. We finally found an area along the dance floor that seemed to be a decent place for us all to stop. Pretty much as soon as we stopped a guy who I assumed was Les came over to our group. Without even saying anything he took Carly away to go dance.

"Josie, do you know how to two-step?" Sarah asked me.

"Nope, only the older people back home dance like this." I said as I stirred the ice that was left in my cup.

"Well here let me teach you!"

It turns out that learning to two-step is easy and surprisingly is really fun! Before I knew it Brian came over and went off dancing with Sarah and some random guy started dancing with me. I never actually got the guys name but he taught me spins and a little bit of fancy footwork. I was having a blast! The dance floor started getting crammed as more and more people made their way to it. We had to start being more careful and watching out for the other dancers. Eventually the nameless guy asked me if I wanted a drink. In general I never do say no, so again I found myself making my way to the bar. I managed to get the same bartender so I didn't even need to tell him what to make me.


"What is it he is making you?" Nameless asked.

"Double rye and coke."

"Damn, well I guess I'll have the same."

He went to pull out money to pay for both but I gave money for mine to the bar tender.

"Hey now let me pay." Nameless said.

"Naw if you don't mind I'll just buy my own."

"Alrighty then."

Nameless tried to make conversation with me, but in all honesty it was so boring I found myself people creeping. Most of the conversation seemed to flow around how much money he makes, which I found extremely conceited. Finally Sarah and Brian came up to me and I had an excuse to get out of the conversation.

"Josie, come to the bathroom with me." Sarah said as she was already walking that way.

"Sure I guess."

"So Carly said to me that you were shit talking her to Jason."

"Who the fuck is Jason?" I asked, I figured he was the boyfriend but I needed to make sure.

"Carly's boyfriend. She said she over heard you guys talking shit about her."

"Oh god. I should have never talked to him. I honestly didn't even listen to half of what he said he was rambling on and on. He started complaining about his relationship, which made me really uncomfortable and I kept saying to him 'You can't help who you love'  . He wouldn't stop talking." I explained as I leaned against the sink.

"Is that why you looked so uncomfortable?"

"Well yea."

"I'm not overly surprised. He does that to everyone, and he is always complaining about his relationship with her. I think Carly is getting ready to leave him. But as of right now she hates you because she thinks you were the one shit talking."

"Well if she wants to think that, then go ahead. It doesn't hurt my feelings any." I started walking out the door to go back to get another drink. I desperately needed one now.

As we walked out I stopped dead in my tracks and looked back at Sarah. Right in front of us was Carly, with her tongue shoved all the way down Les' throat.

"Well, I guess you were right about her wanting to break things off." I said and walked directly to the bar for another round.

How to Party in the Oilfield

I took my time getting ready, I wasn't sure what exactly I should wear. My research on the bar we were going to told me it was more of a live music type place, and to be honest I've always been a t shirt and jeans kind of girl. I finally settled on the only fancy tank top I owned and jeans, which if we are being honest the top came from Garage so really it wasn't fancy at all.

Doing my hair and makeup was a whole other feat. I'm not the type of person that usually wears make up, I also have naturally curly hair so it only gets brushed right before I wash it or before I straighten it. Tonight I decided to straighten my hair and I attempted to do a smokey eye. I am honestly the worst when it comes to makeup. My parents had always wanted a boy and I was supposed to be one so I was raised to be as such. It wasn't until last year for my birthday I had suddenly decided I wanted to learn. I had the lady at Shoppers teach me how to do my make up and pick out everything for me. I am still a total and complete fail at doing it but at least I'm trying!

After hours of getting ready and poking myself in the eye a dozen times I was finally ready just in time for Sarah and her boyfriend to barge in and drag me out. I guess I should mention Sarah's boyfriend is my roommates grandson, so them just coming over was a normal thing I guess. We walked out and I immediately knew Brian was part of the small dick club. His truck was lifted so high I needed a boost to get in. I knew of some people who had mud trucks this high, but not their daily driver. Luckily I had my phone to look at and was able to pretend I was laughing at something on there rather than the truck, but I think Sarah knew the smirk on her face sort of gave it away.

We didn't talk on the drive to Sarah's friends house, the loud blaring country music made it impossible to. When we pulled up to the house it wasn't what I was expecting. Carly's house was a trailer on the tiniest lot I had ever seen. The street was lined with more small penis club trucks and spots cars.

"Are all these people here for Carly's birthday?" I asked in shock.

"They sure are! You better have your party pants on tonight Josie!" Sarah yelled at me. She was already buzzin' pretty good.

As we walking into the house I was in for yet another shock. Inside was a haze of smoke. The smoke a mixture of cigarettes and weed. I took a quick look around and saw what I assumed was cocaine on the coffee table and someone smoking while they breast fed a small baby. I could not believe what I had just walked into. I was immediately introduced to people who's names I forgot instantly. My shock was just too overwhelming. I should have just gone home but I honestly didn't know how to get home or what my address was for a cab to come get me, so I was stuck. I sat down in the chair furthest from everything and started drinking my whiskey straight out of the bottle. I needed to get really drunk to be able to handle this mess.

After a while of sitting there by myself a guy in a wheel chair came up to me and started talking to me. He was so incoherent it took me a while to figure out exactly what he was saying.

"Yes I just moved here." I tried to keep my answer to his question short in hopes of him leaving me alone.

"How do you like it?" He slurred

"Fine."

"I'm Carly's boyfriend, I'm not normally in a wheel chair but I broke both heels."

Apparently that was all he needed to start rambling about how exactly he hurt himself. I honestly didn't even listen. All I wanted to do was get drunk and go home. As he rambled on I started people watching. The more I watched the more stunned I became. I witnessed the breast feeding woman smoking more pot, doing shots and lines of what I had now concluded was for sure cocaine. I had never imagined myself at a place like this. I knew people did these sort of things but I wanted to believe so badly that it never ever did. I eventually realized that Carly's boyfriend was asking me a question that required an answer.

"Sorry can you repeat that. I got a little bit lost in thought."

"It's okay it wasn't important anyways. I am used to people not listening to me. Sometimes I don't think Carly even listens to me most days, but I love her you know."

From there he proceeded to tell me all the terrible details of his relationship with Carly. This was by far the most awkward situation I had found myself in. I was trying to find any possible way to get out of it. I took a terrible route and every time there was a break in the conversation where I was expected to say something all I could say is "You can't help who you love." Eventually Sarah must have noticed how uncomfortable I was feeling and told me we were going to the bar now. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Turns out there was only four of us going out.


 I watched as the lady with the baby hopped into a truck with her very high and drunk boyfriend so that they could go home to put their baby to bed. I should have done something to stop it but never in my life had I been in this situation, I felt like I was in a terrible terrible nightmare. Everyone was acting as if this was normal behavior, but in reality it was absolutely horrendous. I took another swig of my whiskey to realize I was out, going to the bar had come at the best possible time.

First Days

After spending my weekend feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had just stayed in Ontario, it was finally time to start my new job. I was hoping that it would help to change my opinion of my new city. If only I had known what it had in store for me.

I walked into my new work place I felt very on edge. I attributed it to first day jitters, but really a shit storm was headed my way on my very first day. Although the doors were open I saw no one around. I wandered the building until I finally found my roommates family member, Randi, who had gotten me the job.

"Josie, nice to see you finally made it." Randi shouted at me from across the shop

"Yea, I got here a few days ago. Is there anyone else here yet?"

"No not yet. A few more people should be showing up soon though."

"Okay, cool beans."

"Oh just so you know our manager quit last week, so for the time being things are just sort of in the air with who is in charge. Oh look here is Sarah, she is who you will be working directly with."

Sarah was not what I was expecting. Sarah was dark haired, blue eyed and so skinny that she looked like she was going to blow away at any moment. She had so much makeup layered on that I wondered if she even knew what she really looked like under it all. Her resting bitch face was so on point that I don't think anyone would ever approach her, and the cigarette hanging out of her mouth just added to the bitchy vibe I was getting.

"Sarah this is Josie, Josie this is Sarah."

"Hey." I said. I couldn't say anymore without fear of her ripping my head off.

"Hey, lets get this shit show started." And with that we headed off so she could show me what my job was.

The first few hours were boring repetitive things, and neither of us said anything for the longest time. Finally Sarah piped up and sated she was putting on music.

"What sort of music do you listen to? I mostly listen to country so I hope you're ok with that."

" I listen to a lot of different music , but primarily country so you're good."

"Perfect."

The music brought a welcome relief to the awkward silence we had going on. We continued to work and I tried to mostly stay out of the way and figure out the routine that Sarah had. Before I knew it lunch had rolled around. I was introduced to more people and the techs, who I would also be working closely with. A few of the techs were also from the same area of Ontario I was from so we quickly got talking about home and all of our favorite things from there.

"So Josie, what made you move all the way out here?" Max , one of the techs,asked me.

"Well I needed a change, and I have always wanted to live in Alberta so I finally decided now was the time." The lie fell so easily off my lips. It wasn't totally untrue, I have always wanted to live in Alberta, but I was really trying hard to forget everything that could have been.

"I guess that's why we all make our way out here. Sarah here is the only person I know that is actually from here."

"Not true, my parents just moved here when I was young. I'm actually from BC." Sarah piped up finally.

"Well you have been here long enough to say you are from here."

"I guess if that's the way you see it. I'm going for a smoke."

With that everyone left to have a quick smoke before we all went back to work. This left me alone in the lunch room for a bit. I welcomed the few moments I had to myself, being around people for this many hours in a day was weird for me as I had mostly worked alone before.


It wasn't long once we started back at work that the fight broke out. Chris and Randi were in a full on screaming match. I tried hard not to pay attention and just keep my head down. But next thing I knew something was thrown across the shop.

"Lets go out for a smoke." Sarah said

"Sounds like a good plan to me right now."

We hurriedly made our way out back and sat down in the chairs.

"So does this happen all the time?"

"Oh fuck yea it does. This is nothing compared to some of the shit that goes on here. You'll get used to it soon enough."

"Oh boy."

"You got that right. I wouldn't blame you if you quit already. This place wears on the nerves eventually. But you seem pretty chill so I'd rather you stick it out."

" I guess I'll see what the week brings."

Luckily the rest of the week went by without anymore screaming matches... Well at least none that I heard. I was settling in and Sarah and I actually seemed like we were becoming friends. We had most of the same interests and once you got past her standoffish attitude she was actually nice. It also turned out she lived a couple houses down from me, but I was still sort of surprised when on Friday night as we were cleaning up to leave she asked me to come out for her friends birthday the next night.

"Here give me your phone and I'll give you my number. I'll text you what time to be ready. Carly isn't a country girl so we will probably be going to Hatters. So don't dress too countrish." With that she laughed and headed off.

Unpacking

When I finally arrived at my destination it was late. So late that I didn't even take any of my belongings out of my Jeep. If any of you know anything about oilfield towns you would know this was a terrible idea. It was just so late when I pulled up to my new house that all I could think of was food and sleep. So when Ed met me at the door and showed me to my room all I did was fall into bed and sleep. It wasn't long before the dream started...

"Josie, I can't do this anymore. I really just think it's best that we go back to being just friends."

I pulled the car over at that moment in shock. " Jeremy did you just say what I think you said?"

"Yea Jos, I did."

"Okay then. I'm going to go."

I sat there for a while watching as the snow fell down around me. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I didn't even know how to comprehend my feelings. It wasn't until Sean piped up that I realized that I had been just sitting there for a while. 

"Jos? Are you ok? What just happened?"

"Jer and I just broke up I think.."

"Again? Is it for real this time?"

" I think so. I guess I'll find out." And with that I put my car in drive and continued the drive home. Getting home was now the biggest priority I had. 

"Jos, I'm sorry you know."

"For what Sean?"

"For how bad things always happen to you on this day."

"It's okay. I knew something big was going to happen today. Your mom's birthday is just a bad day for me."

The drive felt like forever. Sean didn't say anything else and neither did I. I dropped him off and continued the couple minutes drive to my house. Sasha could tell something was up and so did Fred as they both wouldn't leave me alone as soon as I got into the house. 

"It's okay babes, lets just go to bed. It's just us now." 

Just as a was about to climb into bed my phone went off. I saw it was Jeremy and I already knew in my gut I wasn't going to like what I saw. 

"I'm sorry Jos. You and I both know this is for the best."

As I pulled the ring off I couldn't keep myself together anymore. I slid to the floor and let the tears flow freely. Sasha tried licking away my tears but eventually just curled her furry body up beside me and eventually Fred joined us. I hated that I let Jer in. I just felt like I was breaking.


I woke up with a start and checked the clock. It was early, really early. My body clock was still a few time zones east, but really I knew the dream is what caused me to be up early. My dreams lately alternated between the bad and the disgustingly good things that happened during my four year relationship with Jer, but this was the first time in a long time I had a dream about our breakup. The dreams always left me shook up and anxious for the day. As much as I wanted to stay in bed I knew I had things to do. I started my job in twenty four hours and needed to be prepared.

 As I walked out to my jeep I immediately noticed something was wrong. Someone had tried to break in, fortunately unsuccessfully. With that I learnt my first lesson in my new city, never leave anything in your car unattended I had gotten lucky this time. Unloading took longer than I thought thanks to the fresh snow, but I was determined to get it done. Throughout unloading I quickly learnt lesson number two about an living in an oilfield town, no one will help you with anything. My new roommate sat in the couch and watched me struggle for hours lugging my belongings in. Being someone that always steps in to help I was a little confused and angry that he didn't even offer up help.  The next problem that presented it's self was that my room was so tiny that most of my belongings needed to stay in boxes stacked in my room. I had a trail to my closet my bed and the door when I was finally done. I knew I was going to need to search for a new place quickly.

With my unpacking complete I decided to go for a drive and see what this town had to offer. Although I had done research on it prior to moving it didn't prepare me for anything I saw. There was litter everywhere, the city just looked dirty and sad. The more I drove around the more I was starting to think I made a mistake. The nerves from my dream weren't helping either. I tried to push the feelings down, but nothing made the feeling go away.

Sorry!!!

I have posts done I just had no time to edit lately!!! I bought a new equine partner who needs a lot of work and was forced to euthanize my other as his injuries were too severe. So I haven't felt motivated to edit to be totally honest. My work schedule has gotten crazier than I thought too, I'm working seven days a week. I'll have a post up first thing tomorrow! Hopefully another late this week as well to make up for my lack of posting.


Sorry again! And I hope everyone is having a great weekend.