Saturday 19 November 2016

Settling In

The next few weeks were very uneventful. I spent the majority of my time working, even weekends as work suddenly got busy. I slowly realized over the weeks that I actually hated my job. I had never been in a situation before where I hated a job so I was trying hard to tough it out hoping that a new manger would make it better , whenever he finally started. Screaming matches in the building were such a common occurrence that I would often come home at night completely drained mentally. I knew one day soon that I would get yelled at over something stupid, I just hopped it would be a long way off. The day came sooner than I ever would have thought.


I came in to work that morning dragging my feet as always. I was honestly starting to dread coming into work. I still hadn't made any friends other than Sarah, and that for the most part just felt like it was something out of convince rather than a true friendship. I was starting to feel really down on myself as I am normally I very social person. I knew right away that something was up. There was a new person sitting behind one of the desks in the service department, and boy of boy did she ever look angry.

"Hello. My name is Ronda and I am the new customer relations manager. You must be Josie."

"Nothing gets by you eh?" My joke must have hit a nerve as immediately her face scrunched up  in distaste.

"I see they weren't lying about your sense of humor." She snapped at me.

"Well someone needs to try lighten it up around here." And with that I walked back into the shop.

I was organizing and trying to plan out my day when my phone chimed. I looked down and saw a text from Sarah.

"I'm gonna be late today, Kevin is running a fever."

I put my phone in my pocket and went about my morning. Before long it was coffee break and the saleswoman at our branch approached me and asked me to come sit with her and Ronda. I was apprehensive but figured I should try to be social and pleasant.

As we all sat down at Glenda's desk we actually had a good conversation. We talked about the upcoming meteor shower and I quickly discovered that Glenda and Ronda were old friends. Our break was going by quickly.

Just as we were finishing up my phone beeped again with another text message. I went to look at it and next thing I knew Ken our only other sales person comes fly over screaming at me to get off my phone. I saw out of the corner of my eye Ronda give Glenda a weird look.

I have this thing were when people yell at me I just block them out. I stand there and take it. I can't remember exactly what Ken said to me but I remember lots of screaming. Ronda eventually stepped in and told him to stop. When everyone as done screaming I just turned  and walked away. I went the rest of the day working solo before our finance manager came to speak with me.

"Josie, I just wanted to talk to you about what happened with Ken. I know we don't have a branch manager at the moment but I have reported his behavior to the owners. I am not sure why he went off on you while you were on your break, but it was inappropriate and I am fully expecting him to apologize to you."

"You and I both know I will never get an apology from him. He has never apologized to anyone else he has screamed at here. I don't expect it to change now. I am just going to avoid him from now on. If he needs me to do something on a unit for him from now on he can use the correct channels."

"I hope the owners find us a manager soon. Everyone has been ignoring policy and been very rude to each other over the last three weeks. It has been a terrible environment for you to have started in. I wouldn't blame you if you quit, but keep in mind everyone here but Ken really likes you and you are doing a great job."

"Thanks, well I am going to go home now. See ya later."

I got into my Jeep and drove to the Boston Pizza down the road where I had the bartender pour me a strong drink.



 



Friday 4 November 2016

Heartbreaks


Hey guys as a heads up I am not sure if I will be posting much in the next little bit. My doctor has diagnosed me something not so great and I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. It also isn't helping that my work is making it even more difficult for me to get better by blaming me for how I am feeling. I am really trying to take some time off everything. Writing everything out has been great for me, but it has also made me relive some terrible things, that I will eventually get to in my writing I promise. I for sure won't be posting next week, but hopefully I will have some of my posts I already have written edited and ready to go for the following week. I hope you all have a great weekend! 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The night ended uneventfully, well if Cary leaving with Les is uneventful. Our truck ride home was very quiet too. I had a lot of time to think and thinking was never a good thing for me. I started reflecting on the last year and a half. 

The day after Jeremy and I had broken up was hard. I went into work and tried to act like everything was normal. When the barn phone rang I was tempted to not answer, but I knew then my boss would know something was wrong. 

"Good Morning Josie."

"Morning Charles, what do I owe the phone call."

" I saw you were down there early today. Just checking in."

"The roads were great so I got here quicker than I thought."

"Okay. Well have a good day!"

With that I decided to stop doing office duties and work one of the horses.Working with the horses always kept me grounded. Their smell, easy breathing and willingness always brought me such joy. Just as I was slipping a bridle onto Tea I heard the barn door creak open and in walked Charles.

"Okay Josie you can't lie to me, something is up. You were here early, and you have all the stalls done already and your going for a ride. What is going on?"

"It's nothing, I just have more energy than usual." I sighed as I walked Tea towards the arena.

"It has to do with Jeremy doesn't it?"

"It may but I am not ready to talk about it."

"You guys broke up again didn't you? I'm sure in a day or two he will come crawling back as always."

"I don't think so this time Charles. It feels a little more permanent this time."

"Well if that's the case maybe now when your  mom comes back from visiting your sister you will finally take me up on the offer to live here in the barn. I know a big part of you turning it down before was because you didn't want to live further away from Jeremy. "

"You know what I should. Maybe moving up here would be better for me. Plus I can ride the girls more. Once my mom is back in a couple months I'll move up here."

"I'll find a contractor to renovate the loft for you. But chin up I know you'll be okay."

I put my foot in the stirrup and swung my leg over Teas back  and started putting her thru her paces. After an hour I looked over to see Charles had Maxim saddled up. 

"You want me to ride her next? Because if so you'll have to swap saddles out."

"Lets go for a trail ride, It has been far to long since I have been in the saddle."

"Alright then."

I could help but think I was so lucky to have a boss that genuinely cared about me and even saw me as an extended family member. Soon it was time for me to go to my other job. I went and used the shower in the loft to get rid of the horse smell and changed into business clothes.

As I walked in I hear my name being screamed from across the store.

"Jos! Jos!" Sasha screamed. " I am so sorry, I heard what happened already. If you need anything just let me know."

"How did the news even get out?"

"Come on Jos, we live in a tiny ass town and we all went to school together. News like this travels faster than anyone wants it to." 

"I guess so. Let's just pretend everything is fine okay?"

"Okay! But I'm just saying you were too good for that jackass anyways."



It was from that moment on I had to start pretending I was okay. Tonight was a night that made it hard to pretend. Seeing anothers relationship spiraling downward triggered a memory that I was sure was going to lead to more dreams. 


Once I got home I walked thru the door and found my other bottle of whiskey. I made myself another drink and went to bed. I needed to make sure there were no dreams tonight.