Heartbreaks

Hey guys as a heads up I am not sure if I will be posting much in the next little bit. My doctor has diagnosed me something not so great and I am having a hard time coming to terms with it. It also isn't helping that my work is making it even more difficult for me to get better by blaming me for how I am feeling. I am really trying to take some time off everything. Writing everything out has been great for me, but it has also made me relive some terrible things, that I will eventually get to in my writing I promise. I for sure won't be posting next week, but hopefully I will have some of my posts I already have written edited and ready to go for the following week. I hope you all have a great weekend! 

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The night ended uneventfully, well if Cary leaving with Les is uneventful. Our truck ride home was very quiet too. I had a lot of time to think and thinking was never a good thing for me. I started reflecting on the last year and a half. 

The day after Jeremy and I had broken up was hard. I went into work and tried to act like everything was normal. When the barn phone rang I was tempted to not answer, but I knew then my boss would know something was wrong. 

"Good Morning Josie."

"Morning Charles, what do I owe the phone call."

" I saw you were down there early today. Just checking in."

"The roads were great so I got here quicker than I thought."

"Okay. Well have a good day!"

With that I decided to stop doing office duties and work one of the horses.Working with the horses always kept me grounded. Their smell, easy breathing and willingness always brought me such joy. Just as I was slipping a bridle onto Tea I heard the barn door creak open and in walked Charles.

"Okay Josie you can't lie to me, something is up. You were here early, and you have all the stalls done already and your going for a ride. What is going on?"

"It's nothing, I just have more energy than usual." I sighed as I walked Tea towards the arena.

"It has to do with Jeremy doesn't it?"

"It may but I am not ready to talk about it."

"You guys broke up again didn't you? I'm sure in a day or two he will come crawling back as always."

"I don't think so this time Charles. It feels a little more permanent this time."

"Well if that's the case maybe now when your  mom comes back from visiting your sister you will finally take me up on the offer to live here in the barn. I know a big part of you turning it down before was because you didn't want to live further away from Jeremy. "

"You know what I should. Maybe moving up here would be better for me. Plus I can ride the girls more. Once my mom is back in a couple months I'll move up here."

"I'll find a contractor to renovate the loft for you. But chin up I know you'll be okay."

I put my foot in the stirrup and swung my leg over Teas back  and started putting her thru her paces. After an hour I looked over to see Charles had Maxim saddled up. 

"You want me to ride her next? Because if so you'll have to swap saddles out."

"Lets go for a trail ride, It has been far to long since I have been in the saddle."

"Alright then."

I could help but think I was so lucky to have a boss that genuinely cared about me and even saw me as an extended family member. Soon it was time for me to go to my other job. I went and used the shower in the loft to get rid of the horse smell and changed into business clothes.

As I walked in I hear my name being screamed from across the store.

"Jos! Jos!" Sasha screamed. " I am so sorry, I heard what happened already. If you need anything just let me know."

"How did the news even get out?"

"Come on Jos, we live in a tiny ass town and we all went to school together. News like this travels faster than anyone wants it to." 

"I guess so. Let's just pretend everything is fine okay?"

"Okay! But I'm just saying you were too good for that jackass anyways."

It was from that moment on I had to start pretending I was okay. Tonight was a night that made it hard to pretend. Seeing anothers relationship spiraling downward triggered a memory that I was sure was going to lead to more dreams. 

Once I got home I walked thru the door and found my other bottle of whiskey. I made myself another drink and went to bed. I needed to make sure there were no dreams tonight.